There are many challenges that an expat or migrant will encounter in his time living abroad. One of them is homesickness. Anyone who has travelled or lived abroad for an extended period of time will definitely experience being homesick at one point or another.
I’ve been living abroad for more than a decade, and let me tell you, I’ve been homesick many times over. But I think it has happened to me a lot more when we moved to New Zealand. Living here for three years already, there are still many times that I long for the comfort of being back in the Philippines, and sometimes, back to Singapore, where I lived for nine years.
Being able to deal with homesickness is crucial, especially if you’re going to stay in your adopted country for a long time–or permanently. If you do not handle it well, I think the whole experience will not be a success for you (and your family). At worst, you’ll probably end up going back home, your efforts to get out of your home country would go to waste.
Anyone who has been living abroad has their own ways of coping with homesickness. Here are a few of the things that has worked for me so far:
Understand your “Why”
In our first year here in New Zealand, I became a stay-at-home mom taking care of Katie. We arrived at the start of winter, which was probably not the best season to move to New Zealand. It got quite depressing, staying indoors for days. I was still getting used to the climate and the pace of life here, and preferred to be in the house all the time. I’ve spent many days looking out of our window, sometimes in tears, wondering if we made the right move.
In my mind, I would compare what we could have had in Singapore had we stayed there –a nanny for the girls, work for me, warm climate, closer to the Philippines versus what we have here–no one to help with the baby and housework, no work for me, freezing temperatures, and expensive tickets back to the Philippines. I think it’s valid and unavoidable to do that kind of comparison. Everyone will do that at one point. BUT, it’s not healthy to do so all the time. If you do, you’re setting yourself up for failure.
Whenever this type of thinking threatens to crowd my mind, I always go back to the reason WHY we moved here in the first place. It has always been for that change of lifestyle that will allow us to care for our family in a healthy environment, and at the same time provide the kids the best opportunities for a good life. Some of these, we would not be able to accomplish had we stayed in Singapore.
So if you’re considering living abroad, make sure you have a good reason for doing so, because that will always give you the motivation whenever you feel homesick.
Try Local Food
Back when I was a newbie in Singapore, I struggled to adjust to the management style and pace in my first job. It was fast, unrelenting and so very different from what I knew in Manila. One time, we had to stay overnight in the office to fix an issue, and our Singaporean manager brought us all a pack of Nasi Lemak for breakfast. Not only was it a kind gesture, but it was the beginning of my love affair with Singapore food. I love it so much that I devoted a couple of posts about it before I left four years ago.
I think one of the best ways to get to know a country is by the food its people eat. Of course, you will find comfort in the familiar foods of your own country, and you’ll probably cook them at home most of the time. But it does help to go out there, try out the local restaurants, and hopefully it takes your mind off your homesickness.
I have been trying out the foods here in New Zealand, and will write a post about it soon!
Build a network and make it bigger
My move to Singapore was quite easy as I had so many friends already living there when I arrived. The longer I stayed, I got to know more people and do activities with them that helped me keep homesickness at bay.
Here in New Zealand, we were lucky that although we didn’t know a lot of people, we were welcomed warmly by fellow Filipinos whom we now consider family. At work, JP and I also have people we talk to. They have helped us a lot–from giving us second-hand furniture and appliances when we were starting out, giving us tips where to buy things, inviting us to gatherings to know even more people, or simply visiting us at home to check how we’re doing.
When I was taking care of Katie and Patty, I researched on playgroups and activities for children so they can socialize with other kids and I can have a chat with fellow local moms. I also joined some Facebook groups for mothers in New Zealand to get support for my questions related to living here.
The point is, you have to put yourself out there and get to know people, otherwise it’s going to be a lonely time for you abroad. For me, building a network of friends is quite important, because even the most introverted individual needs someone to keep homesickness at bay and get help if they need it.
Take advantage of technology
When we were kids, my father worked overseas. We would always send him letters and cards that took weeks before he was able to read them, and then a few more weeks before we got a response. I remember long-distance calls that we would wait for weeks, sometimes months and probably cost a lot. That’s the way it was in the 80’s, and what a long way we’ve come now.
These days, everyone is online. We have all these tools to communicate easily with our loved ones who are far away. So we have to use what’s available to us. Call your family or friends via Skype or Viber. Have a chat via Messenger. Whatever it is, you know that there are so many channels for communication when you’re sad or missing home.
Movies and TV Shows from almost any country are also available online, so if you miss watching these local movies and shows, then go ahead and watch them! Honestly, I still do this at home, while cleaning the house or ironing clothes, I would play a Filipino movie on Netflix, just to hear Tagalog.
As for social media, it can either keep homesickness at bay, or it could make it worse. Sometimes, it’s good to sign off social media for a bit. If you feel your homesickness is getting worse by looking at your feed, especially when it shows people in your hometown having fun and doing things without you, then go offline for a while. Instead of following all the things that are happening in your country, why not focus on doing things in your adopted country? Which takes me to my next tip…
Explore your new world
JP and I have not been to New Zealand prior to our move here. Looking back, I think this is one of the craziest moves I’ve made. All the research I did online about New Zealand could not have prepared me for what I was about to experience. In those times when I was really down and wishing I was somewhere else, I would look up places to see and things to do in Wellington (and later, in New Zealand).
I’d show this to JP and on weekends, we went out, explored and learned a little bit more about Wellington. Later on, we would venture farther to other cities. We continue to do this, and there are so many more things to see and do, that we’ll be planning quite a few trips for many years.
So don’t be afraid to wander and familiarize yourself with your adopted country. There will always be something to discover, and hopefully you’ll feel a little less homesick.
Keep up your Habits and Hobbies or Try New Ones
Moving to a new country doesn’t mean you have to change everything about yourself. If you have a hobby that you’ve been doing for many years, you can still do this when you move. I think that continuing on with a sport or hobby helps bring balance and routine back to your daily life.
For me, my hobbies are simple—cooking, writing, running and travelling. I’ve continued to do these even when we moved here in New Zealand, and I really think it has helped with adjusting to life here. They may not be as social as other hobbies, but they do keep my mind active and I feel less homesick when I do them.
On the other hand, you can also try new hobbies or routines. Try a new sport, learn a new skill or language–whatever it is that will keep the loneliness at bay, or keep your mind and body healthy.
Homesickness is a very real issue, but it should not hold you back from enjoying life in your adopted country. Everyone gets through it at their own pace. It’s a normal and understandable reaction to moving abroad, and it’s definitely okay to miss home once in a while.
I hope these tips will be helpful to you whether you’re thinking of moving or are already in a new country. Just remember to always keep an open and positive mindset–there are so many opportunities to learn and enjoy in your new home, if you make the effort to discover them.
Do you live away from home? How do you try to overcome homesickness? I’d love to know!
